Reflections of a Wandering Mind

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. ~Agatha Christie Tears, on the brink of tears I have been for almost two weeks. Profoundly sad, alternately filled with rage. I will never be the same. I am praying for this resentment and sadness to leave me, but even if it does; I have been changed. Even though I am not important enough in anyone's life for them to take an interest in my thoughts as I express them here, I just cannot take the risk spilling my secrets for they are not mine alone. I carry a heavy burden, but I do know that life is good and will get better once again for me. I know it, but right now I just don't feel it. I have never felt such despair in my life. Sad, helpless, alone - but I am alive and there is hope.

"Man cannot live without joy; therefore, when he is deprived of true spiritual joys it is necessary that he become addicted to carnal pleasures." ~St. Thomas Aquinas We take for granted that there is always tomorrow, that we have all the time in the world to set things right, to take care of our health, or to amend broken relationships with friends or loved ones. How often do we hold grudges, so offended, and not worry that maybe tomorrow may be our or their last day. Am I the only one who tells myself day after day that I will start my diet/exercise program tomorrow, but tomorrow never seems to come? Well, we obviously can't live our lives in a perpetual state of fear of death; it's unhealthy. But, we can take the attitude of urgency when it comes to loved ones or our spiritual state in life. We so easily fall into a state of sin and not worry about the consequences because we take our lives for granted, mainly worrying about the everyday things we need to get by.

There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. ~Aldous Huxley It's so easy to see the negative in others, and I'm no exception to this rule. The last few entries deal with my view of what's wrong with the world while it would probably be more worthwhile to turn that reflection inward... Yes, I think so. I'm so wanting to control my world around me when, in fact, I'll only end up frustrated because we really only have control over one thing: our reactions/interaction to the world and people around us. A quick temper is one of my greatest flaws and the one I will address tonight. While I may be justified in feeling offended, there is no defense for the level in which I respond when angered. Sometimes my anger has been unjustified just because I have misunderstood the situation, and given my quickness to judge, I have placed myself into sticky situations in which I just look foolish. Other times my pro